


Regret

by Kidfish



Series: these poems are for you [3]
Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:23:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8538223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kidfish/pseuds/Kidfish





	

I saw you today,  
You wore the same pants as the day we met.  
Do you remember that?  
(I do, the image of you walking away is burned into my brain)  
If you did that on purpose or if you had forgotten, I don't know.  
And if I knew, I don't know which answer would hurt more.

I saw you before you saw me, you, sitting at a table talking animatedly, me, walking past.  
I  
tried not to let my stomach flip (failed), tried not to think of the time that we were together (failed), tried not to think of the first (and last) time you said 'I love you" (failed), tried not to think of when you left (failed),  
tried not to make eye contact (failed).

I pretended not to notice you, hoping that, if I pretended to not see you, that you would not see me.  
It didn't work.  
I pretended to not notice the way you called me over, how smooth my name sounded on your tongue, how happy your voice sounded saying it.  
I told myself that my brain was just tricking me, that you were indifferent and I was too, about seeing each other again.  
But you can't just erase memories like that. 

I wanted to tell you that after all this time, I finally kissed a girl.  
That it was the one thing that felt right in a world full or wrong  
But the words formed in my mouth and they tasted like betrayal  
Because you were the first girl I was supposed to kiss, the first girl I was supposed to fall in love with, the girl I was supposed to spend forever with.  
Not the girl I was supposed to have my first heartbreak with.  
But you were.  
So I kissed her instead 

I hope you forgive me

And I hope I can forgive myself.


End file.
